With the amount of screen time children of all ages have been getting, we assume your children are aware of and curious about the demonstrations occurring across our country. Explaining the historical and social context behind the racial inequality that has sparked recent events may feel overwhelming. So much so, that for many of us, our gut reaction is to avoid the topic altogether. This may be what feels safest in order to avoid saying the wrong thing or making a tumultuous situation seem scary. These fears are common. However, avoiding these conversations doesn’t make the times we are living in any less difficult and confusing. There are age-appropriate ways to tackle these important issues when children are ready and especially if they are asking questions. Here are our recommendations for how to have these conversations with children so that this challenging time can lead to understanding and growth.
Listen
First, listen carefully to what your child says, what she asks, and what she already knows. There is no need to go into great detail about what is going on in the world if your child is not ready and curious. Meet her where she is. It is also possible that your child may not actually have any questions, and might just need to get the message from you that it’s okay to talk about what’s happening and how it is making her feel. Just acknowledge, reassure, and sympathize. You don’t always have to have the “right” thing to say.
Be Honest
If your child does have questions, answer him honestly without skirting around complicated topics. If you aren’t sure how to begin the conversation, Maryland-based pediatrician, Dr. Jacqueline Douge, suggests wording it like this: “There are things happening in the news that are upsetting us. Unfortunately there were police officers that made bad choices for the wrong reasons because of the color of our skin.” Children are more capable than we realize of understanding issues regarding race and racism, and downplaying it or pretending that it doesn’t exist won’t do anyone any good.
Celebrate Differences
Teach your child that it is okay to notice observable differences between people. If they notice a person with brown skin on the street and make a remark, agree with them. Noticing skin color is not racist. When they notice these differences, teach your children to celebrate them. Trying to be “colorblind” may be a well intentioned response, but it is not effective. When we are taught to “not see color,” we are taught that the color of one’s skin or the texture of their hair is not part of their identity; that their race is not part of their identity. And for many children, especially non-white children, this can be a confusing and damaging message.
Increase Exposure to Positive Narratives About People of Color
Empirical data shows that people of color are underrepresented in media, advertising, and virtually all public outlets, and that crimes committed by black people are reported at significantly higher rates than their many outstanding accomplishments. So read an article or book about a black inventor with your child, update your library to include more black authors, and if you have young children, make sure their toy or doll collection is not made up entirely of just one shade.
Use Literature to Help Guide the Conversation
This article has some fantastic resources to help supplement these conversations. In addition to providing a list of powerful books for every age group, it also offers important insight into why it’s so crucial to start these conversations early and to keep them going. It suggests including books about racism in your library, and more importantly, books with non-white protagonists.
Do Some Reflecting of Your Own
One of the most meaningful ways to develop an antiracist mindset is to do some self-exploration of our own by asking ourselves these questions: What awareness do I have about my own privilege? How has racism affected me or not affected me? What prejudices might I have of my own, and how can I remedy them so as not to pass them on to my kids (even if unwittingly)? When we can recognize the ways in which we are and are not helping the problem, we will be better equipped to raise the next generation of empathetic agents of change.
Additional Resources
Listen to (or read the transcript of) this podcast on NPR with the author of Raising White Kids
Read this article from National Geographic which discusses in further depth the importance of talking about race and racism, as well as how racism can be present in ways we might not even realize, even when we don’t intend it.
And if you’d like to support black- and minority-owned businesses in your area, visit or download the Mobb App.